Last Segment of My Past

picking up from my previous 5 year relationship break off... it was my hardest hit so far... probably it was my own doings, i bet it definitely was... thinking back, i was already looking for an excuse to pack and leave... i should have been able to just drop the relationship off just like that... yeah, i should have... but it didnt happen that way...

anyway, shortly after i got pretty close to a malay friend of mine... he was already close previously, but we got even closer... for a short period of time, i believed we were flirting with each other... and it almost got out of hand... about almost the same time, ML came down to KL from SG... i had just started talking back to him... thinking nothing of it, i offered him a place to bunk... and that led him on more than it should have been... and then from him, i got to know my last fling...

i guess i used that last fling to pull myself up... it kinda did work, not much... but it helped me take the first step... it lasted for a couple of months... it was then that i immersed myself in work... i shed so much pounds, that my smallest skirt that i could barely fit in became loose... i was just pure bones at that time... i barely had any sleep, work from dawn till night... even chanced upon some almost eery encounters in office for staying way too late...

couple of weeks before valentine's day, AL found me on skype... it was just sheer luck, or fate, i'd say... i had just introduced skype to my boss and colleagues to be used as office IM like 6 months back... the day AL messaged me, i couldnt get up from bed suffering from high fever... partly due to the long nights that i was pulling for the company's major conference... i bet he was devastated when i didnt reply... the next day, when i saw his message... i got a shock of my life... just weeks ago, i was searching high and low for his contact... there was this urge to get in touch with him... and he appeared miraculously, on my part that is... i didnt think it was anything miracle for him... he had worked superbly hard to find me then...

we had really long chat for a week... there were so much to catch up on, it was unbelievable... my first post for this blog was our chat on the very first day i responded to his message... both of us had so many questions for each other, neither of us had the chance to answer everything... unfortunately, i had to leave the office for my conference dress rehearsal at half day... we had so much to talk about yet, there wasnt much time that we had... even when he called during lunch and after work that day, there were still so many unanswered questions...

i still remember going out to lunch with julz that sunday of the week... julz was having problems with getting rid of the then gf... we took in each other's company for comfort from our own misery... while julz were attending to some phone calls, i suddenly had this urge again to meet AL... it was only last friday we started chatting back, but this time i was sure we wouldnt be arguing... main fact, i was back to being single... there wouldnt be any reason to start another fight...

so, i started hatching a plan on how to meet up with him... while not showing that i was too eager... i mean, i wasnt sure where he was standing in terms of our friendship... this was what i told him: i had to clear my annual leave... and i timed it to two days before his birthday... upon agreeing and more planning from his side, we switched to three days before his birthday... cracking my brain under pressure, i was left with only a couple of days to decide on his present... it was the hardest decision, as i havent been in touch with him for years... there was a slightest clue on what he would have loved or liked... took a wild guess, i decided on a parker... to say i regretted in buying him a pen, i'd have a say of yes and no... yes, cos pen wasnt the right thing for him (it's still on display in the living room)... no, cos seeing his face lit up at the sight of a present was worth it...

our first lunch together after so long was McD... what touched me was that, he was so broke then yet he still insisted in buying me lunch... i remembered choosing the cheapest meal so that it at least wouldnt kill him financially... i could feel the sparks, like literally feel and see the sparks between us... my first thought was that, it must be only me... trying to proof i was thin (although i did know that it was only an excuse to hold me), he held my hands... and i could also see he was touched when i rolled up his sleeve for him... i just couldnt stand him pushing the sleeves that kept falling back... we took a stroll in a dead mall, with him fighting his urge to kiss me... the cutest part was him asking for permission to hold my hands at the end of the day... oh, not to forget the most embarrassing moment in my life... i gave him a hug just as he was getting out of the car and all i got was an "OH!" and bye... wow! that definitely was not the reaction i was expecting... totally caught me off guard, i went home assuming i read all his signals wrongly...

but my assumptions were wrong... he asked me to be his gf the next day... i said yes, but i did know agreeing to his request would mean that i will be kept low profile... he had already have another gf then... i had somehow agreed to be the third party... that was two days before his birthday... sadly, the next day was a lonely valentine's day for me... still unsure whether AL was really serious with me, i went out with my fling that valentine's day... it was one decision that i regretted till now... not only had i lied to AL 10 years ago, i cheated on him yet again 10 years later... i kept that secret for a long time...

i continued on as usual for the next few months... meeting AL secretly for breakfast and dinner... went through a lot of disappointing and last minute cancellation of our plans for his then gf... frustrations built up in me... up to the point where i purposely made arrangement to get his then gf to see me in BTS... i was actually on the verge of breaking, but i couldnt tell anyone that... AL made it known to me that was what i would go through but i didnt know it would be that hard to handle... anyway, trying to see if i can push her and him over the edge, i got my ex to accompany me to BTS on the pretext that i wanted to shop there (AL, not like you hadnt suspected that anyway =P)... i dont know, till now, how did that plan worked out... but weeks later, AL sped up his break off with that girl... what others took in years and still failed to get him to leave the girl, i successfully pushed the right buttons and got him to leave her in a month... and again, it didnt come cheap...

another month down the road, i went for my BKK trip with my ex... initial plan was to utilize my flight that i'd already paid the year before... from saving some cash, to spending really unnecessary expenditure while i was there... i ended up chalking up a huge phone bill by the time i touched down the airport... AL was so worried about me being there all alone, plus the fact i was with my ex didnt help, that he was calling every few hours... while i was in BKK, i had some alone time to think through a lot of things... knowing that my relationship wouldnt last more arguments about me not staying in with him, i decided to move in...

but things got slightly complicated, when he found out that his gf was pregnant... thinking it through again, none of us were sure she was really pregnant... i mean firstly, her telling us the doctor said it was ok to have ectopic pregnancy... then, stories about she needed diapers for her unusual bleeding (pretty weird since if that happened, she would have been hospitalized)... and the stories about a metal that fell into her uterus from her kidney... i mean, HUH???

that aside, i also decided to come clean with my cheatings on valentine's day... it was eating up into me, affecting me quite badly... it was a really bad scene when i came clean with him... the whole truthful session ended with him having very red knuckles and a hole in my coffee table... it affected him quite badly, and quite a while... fortunately, we moved on... couple more months later, we went back to meet my parents... and the rest are just history... =P