already? and I slam on snooze button... 10 more minutes... and another 10... and another 10... before i knew it, it's already an hour past since i first hit the snoozy...
7:10 am
got up and reluctantly took my morning bath... reluctant, not cos i'm still sleepy... but wanted to sleep the heartache off... and ain't that happy to walk in the office with puffy eyes, from all the tearing the night before...
8:00 am
walked in the room to get my phone... debated with myself to walk away or give him his daily morning kisses... and yeah, as usual... gave in to his peaceful and cute sleepy look... took a deep breath and got down on my knees, tucked him in the comforter and woke him up in the process... and dear god... hearing his voice at that time, all the pain came back... it felt like a knive went through my heart once again...
8:30 am
felt myself tearing again... took another deep breath n tried to hold my voice steady, said goodbye and rushed out of the room... and dammit! the tears wont stop... as if on instinct, he always walk out finding me in tears or unsuccessfully trying to keep it away from his view... and an unsuccessful attempt, yet again... one hug, and all the walls came crumbling down... didnt even have the strength to push him away this time...
10:00 am
reached office just in time to see that work that was supposed to be done by yesterday, my colleagues were still debating over it... damn! another long day yet again...
11:00 am
a long checklist of amendments and an hour later, i'm staring at my notebook and sigh~ last minute of rework again... and with 2 days away from office previously, mails were overflowing my mailbox... half hour of clearing my emails, a little of nudgie on my facebook and sneak into his blog... who knows, he may have updated it while i was from internet connection over the last 2 days in training...
11:20 am
realised that he replied to my comment on his blog... clicked on it, and saw "Autumn Amerylliss"... out of curiousity, i checked out this person out and was led to her blog... instantly i regretted my decision... second post in her blog, and had my breathe knocked out of me... what was there was an email sent to her in June 2008... the words, the way it was written... i knew immediately it was him... not wanting to jump into any conclusions, i copied the post... highlighted on black font over black background, was his name in the "FROM:" section... although i knew it was millions of years ago, i still felt the world crashed... it's been a year since they broke off, so why now??? why post it now??? and why did his words seem so familiar??? werent those words the exact ones that came from his lips a year ago to me??? nothing hurts more than to wonder if he used those words, that i fell for, to every other gals... did he??? so what did or does she meant to him??? i cant let go the fact that it was also her, that he had gone to when we argued previously... so what did all this mean???
browsed further into her blog... i found 3 more poems to her "love"... something was amiss... how could there be such close coincidence that the birthday of her love would also fall on february... my eye instantly caught on the date... feb 15... it almost killed me... took a hell lot of effort to keep myself from crying again...
11:30 am
copied the link and sent to him... didnt wanna know the answer, but i still need to know...
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9:00 pm
11 hours since i set foot in the office... and i'm still here working... i sure hope my weekend will be a good one... what a long day it is...
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