A Decade Ago

i remembered that i called it quits with ML over the icq... yeah, i know... superbly tacky and considerate of me... heck, i was only 16 and it was my first awkward situation... then AL started to im me and call me up, trying to persuade me to patch back with ML... not that i was stubborn, but i had no intention in getting back with ML... he was ok as a friend but there wasnt anything more than that...

i was told that i initiated the friendship between AL and i... it was awhile back, and my memory aint that great... there are pieces of it here and there... but in terms of how i met him, as far as i can recall... it's via mirc... but that's as much as i can remember...

but i dont think that was the first time i met him... i'd seen him in school before... with his ex-gf... and i believed i had provoked him before, as well... it was pretty surprising he didnt recognize me from then and exercised his revenge on me... lol~

anyway, he had and still is telling me that i approached him in mirc and mistaken him for another guy of the same name... and i was also the one whom introduced him to ML... that's how it came about that AL ended up trying to get me and ML to patch back initially...

the funny part was, AL's initial plan backfired... he ended up going after me instead... i remembered the long phone calls... calling me at home... calling me while i was at my uncle's place... it continued on for about a month... first with me pretending i didnt know he was after me... he didnt made it easy for me... apparently, he was a straight to the point kinda person... then, rejecting him... ohhh, the best part was trying to get him to be my god bro, instead... him being a sweet talker... it was getting so much harder to say no to him... i gave in to his persistence when he took down my last brick of defenses...

our relationship lasted for half a year or so... i couldnt remember much of the six months... it kinda flew by pretty fast... pieces of unsolved puzzles were all over my memories... the long phone calls... more chats on mirc and icq... dating with public transportations, buses mainly...

there were a couple occasions that i remembered clearly... for one, i remembered that he was my first kiss... XP the one of the few movies we watched together, i recalled was the grinch... that movie stuck to my mind for years...

then, there were the dating memories... one of the two that got stuck to me... i had just came back from school... we decided to take a bus and date at the island... i took a bath and pulled on a black sub sleeveless and a khaki pants... he was in his long sleeve attire...

the second one that both of us remembered so clearly was during cny months later into our relationship... he got a stared-down from my mom when he came to visit... for once, he admitted someone else was more scary than he was... haha! imagine, a guy his size vs my tiny mom... we secretly held hands under the table while still at my house awaiting for my cousin's arrival... then, he pretended to leave my house and was picked up by my cousin a km away from home so that we can again date secretly... fyi if you've been wondering, my parents was adamant about me not dating while at school... and any bfs of mine, i had to date them in secret... and AL was no difference...

and that was the good memories... 6 months with him, i dont think we ever had an argument... but he was getting more controlling... punching my attendance when i got home... any spare time will only be given to him... i didnt dare to tell him that i needed some space for myself... thinking back, i think i should have... however, at that point of time, i felt that i didnt have much choices to choose from...

i started to avoid him... finding excuses to stay in school... avoiding his calls... then our first and last argument started... my girl friends asked me out for bowling, one of them wanted to meet up a guy she made friends with online and i had not been out with them for a long time... on his side, he wanted to come over and spend some time with me... i stupidly didnt know how to tell him the truth... really, i was afraid to tell him the truth... no idea why, but that was what went through my mind...

my first lie to him was that i was going out with my mom to buy books... lol~ the worst part of it was that butterworth was small, and still is... i bumped into one of his closes friends... what i didnt know was there were more of his friends all over the place that i didnt knew existed recognized me... when i got home, my phone was already ringing off the hook... he asked where was i, i lied... he probed further... one lie led to another... not that the lies worked, i was caught red handed anyway... but me being an idiot, i kept on denying... up till the point he was yelling at me...

that was when i realized, i needed my own personal space... and i aint getting one... i liked him but it wasnt enough for me to put myself into such commitment... oh and he was already talking about marriage at that time... it kinda scared me shitless... coupled with my old trauma... i grabbed the fight as an opportunity and used that excuse to break it off...

it wasnt an easy break off... there were lotsa yelling... hiding under the table talking to him, pretending that my phone calls were pleasant in front of my parents when they were not... scrutiny from my parents when they saw these calls were affecting me a lot... it did feel like i'd done the right thing then... but, reflecting back... it was so my fault for lying... and for not opening up to him about how i really feel... i do admit i should have trusted him back then...