You'll Get It When You Have It

those were the days when i used to answer, fluttering love is best left for little girl's fantasy... meant for romance books and disney fairy tales... food for hope and imagination... and it was also those days that i assumed reality has no space for love... to me, the feeling of love was replaced with loyalty, respect, fear and like... i've never really understood what love really meant... or how it was supposed to feel like...

brought up in a typical chinese family... it was drilled to me to just concentrate on studies and make moolah to support my parents... back home, it was etched into my brain that the family hadnt had enough moolah for a lot of things... but rarely was it stressed to me that moolah wasnt the only priority... i grew up in a family where love wasnt explicitly expressed... and i'd admit i took all this for granted... out of my 20 odd years, i've only heard mom expressed her love to me when i was ready and packed to leave for KL... and never once have i seen dad hold mom's hands or said he loves her...

and like any tiny bird given the freedom to fly... i took the opportunity to find my own priorities... my reality had gone around the world, from friends to plain excitement to cash to work and to losing purpose of it all... true enough most of it could fill up my satisfaction... but none had ever managed to totally fill it all up... there was always an emptiness in my heart that something wasnt complete...

it was not until recently, i truly felt and see what L.O.V.E. really means to me... not just some words to throw around, but a piece of my heart to be given out to those selected few... to be nurtured and cherished... the best part of all is it doesnt just stop with him, it spreads across my family, people whom i care and cherished and those whom are dear to me... no wonder no one had ever managed to give a true description to love...

for this lesson in life, i have to give credit to him... he has taught me to understand what unconditional love means... with one catalyst, he has also painted more colors and meaning to people around me... i have finally found my emptiness filled... and it's no longer a little girl's fantasy... it is my dream coming true...

p/s - it's about time you learn your own lesson, too... you're no longer walking a silo journey... when you smile, you light up people who loves you... and when you hurt, your loved ones bleed along with you aching heart...